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Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a cat in heat?

Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health. 
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Why do clarinetists place their cases on the dashboard?

So they can park in handicapped spaces. 
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How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one. 
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What's the definition of a nerd?

Someone who owns his own alto clarinet. 
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How do you put down a tenor saxophone?

Confuse it with a bass clarinet. 
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What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?

Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument. 
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What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?

Gifted. 
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What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist's brain?

An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist. 
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces. 
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How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?

Cut the noose. 
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A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner.
 
He looked at the selections:
Flute Brains, $1/lb
Tuba Brains, $10/lb
Percussion Brains, $5/lb
Then he saw a sign that read: 
Clarinet Brains, $100/lb
He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher replied, 
"Do you know how many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?" 
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How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house?

They don't know where to enter and what key to use. 
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What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?

Vibrato. 
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What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start. 
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How do you stop an oboe from being stolen?

Put it in a clarinet case. 
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How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet?

Miss a lot of notes... 
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How do you know when a clarinetist has died?

The concertmaster moves them back a chair... 
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