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Percussion Jokes



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What do you call a drummer with half a brain?

Gifted. 
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Why do drummers have 1/2 ounce more brains than horses?

So they don't disgrace themselves during the parade. 
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer. 
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What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool. 
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Why do bands have bass players?

To translate for the drummer. 
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How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?

You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground. 
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What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once. 
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now. 
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Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?

He had to break a window to get the drummer out! 
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We know a guy who was so dumb his teacher gave him two sticks and he became
 a drummer, but lost one and became a conductor. 
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Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They 
listened to the distant pounding war drums.
One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the wound of them drums."
Just then, a distant voice came over the hill; "It's not our usual drummer!" 
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A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will 
have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. 
When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake 
and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain!" The guy said, "Uh, that's okay. 
Got some sticks?" 
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Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?

So they don't have to retrain the drummers. 
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How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?

The knock always slows down. 
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How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?

Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm. 
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If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. 
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I asked my drummer to spell "Mississippi"...
He said, "the river or the state?" 
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How do you know if a drummer's platform is level?

The drool comes out of both sides of his mouth. 
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How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots?

They put drumsticks on the dash. 
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change it, and the other four to stand around and talk about 
how much better Neil Peart would have done it!


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Two drummers walk into a bar, which is actually kind of funny, because 
you would think that the second guy would have seen the first one do it. 
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What do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start!! 
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Did you hear about the drummer who got into college?

No.

Neither did I.


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What's the difference between a drummer and Dr. Scholl's footpads?

Dr. Scholl's footpads buck up the feet. 
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After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent 
word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop
decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the 
belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants
demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless 
man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers
job. The bishop was incredulous.

"You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with
his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened 
in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement
for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless 
man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in
the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. 

When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, 
drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. 

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, 
who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due
to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia
question for you), the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer
of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the
brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very 
belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace 
him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the
armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, 
he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing 
the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs 
to his side.

"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead 
ringer for his brother." 
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Como saber si hay un baterista en la puerta?

Porque no sabe cuando entrar.

In English: How do you know there's a drummer at the door?

Because he doesn't know when to enter.


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A man died and soon after, went to Heaven. He discovered Heaven was an 
endless hallway with doors to the left and right. On the door was your
I.Q. number. He went to door 160, and found the people there talking 
about quantum physics. He slammed the door and went to door 120. He found 
the people there trying to figure out as many decimal places of pi that they 
could. He shut the door and went to 80. He found the people in there talking 
about last night's Packer game. He thought to himself, "I'll come back to 
this one later," and shut the door. He walked all the way down to 16, and found 
the people in there talking about Sunday's episode of "King of the Hill." 
He shut the door, and went to door 7. He found the people in there drooling 
on each other. Lastly, he went to door 3. He opened the door and heard one 
of the people say, "My sticks were Zildjian, what were yours?" 
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