What's the range of a tuba?

Twenty yards if you've got a good arm. 
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Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital?

Friend: I hope so. 
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How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to hold the bulb, one to hold the lamp, and three to drink until the room spins. 
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What's a "tuba for"?

1 1/2" by 3 1/2", unless you request a "full cut". 
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How do you fix a broken tuba?

With a "tuba glue". 
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Two tuba players are walking past a bar... (Well, it could happen!) 
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A symphony was performing Beethoven's 9th in a park one afternoon, but it 
was so windy that the musicians had to tie their music to the stands. When 
the tubas finished playing their part in movement 1, they decided, since 
they had 2 movements of rests, to sneak off to the pub across the street. So 
they sat in the pub, downed a few, and listened to the orchestra. When they 
heard the pickups to their part they threw money on the counter and stumbled 
into the street. They could barely keep from falling over as they ran to pick 
up their tubas, but even worse, they couldn't untie the music. They were 
pulling and tugging but the string was so tight that they fell over from 
the effort. Just then, the conductor looked back and thought, "Oh lord, it's 
the bottom of the 9th, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded!" 
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Why did the tuba player switch to the drums?

Because he couldn't read the music. 
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