------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you do to make a trombone sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and miss all the notes! 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is the French Horn called the divine instrument?

Because man blows in but only God knows what's coming out! 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section? 

Have them miss every other note. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a French horn section and a '57 Chevy? 

You can tune a '57 Chevy. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost? 

A goalpost that can't march. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb? 

Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do horn players traditionally greet each other? 

1."Hi. I played that last year." 
2."Hi. I did that piece in junior high." 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate 
asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?" 

"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all." 

The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate 
asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" 

"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of 
meat; oh, it was just gross!" 

The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her 
roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" 

"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!" 


------------------------------------------------------------------------

U know what they say about the French..Imagine what they say about
French Horn players??

------------------------------------------------------------------------