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What is the definition of a minor second?

Two oboes playing in unison. 
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What is the definition of a half step? 

Two oboes playing in unison. 
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What is the definition of a major second?

Two baroque oboes playing in unison. 
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How do you get an oboist to play A flat? 

Take the batteries out of his electric tuner. 
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Why did the chicken cross the road? 

To get away from the bassoon recital. 
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What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist? 

A bad oboist can kill you. 
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