------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a dead snake in the road more tragic than a dead trombonist in the road?

1. The snake may have been on the way to a recording session. 2. There are skid 
marks in front of the snake. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a guy who knows how to play a trombone and doesn't?

A gentleman. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did Captain Picard say when he entered a jazz club and saw a trombonist on stage?

"Computer: End program!" 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do 4 trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?

A good idea! 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know if there's a trombonist at your door?

The doorbell drags. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell that a kid on a playground is a trombonist's kid?

He can't swing and he complains about the slide. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Someone asks a trombonist: "What's the subdominant of F major?"

The trombonist is confused: "What??? I thought F major was the subdominant!" 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he'll spend half an hour trying to figure out what position he needs to be in. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?

Year-at-a-Glance 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?

1. Vibrato.
2. It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you make a French horn sound like a trombone?

1. Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.
2. Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a trombonist with a beeper?

An optimist. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?

On or off. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the best kind of trombone?

A broken one! 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a trombonist with half a brain?

Gifted. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you save a trombonist from drowning?

Take your foot off their head. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?

5: 1 to change it, and 4 to make ludicrous sexual comments. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many trombones does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but he will do it too loudly. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the least used sentence in the English language?

"Look at that trombone player's Cadillac!" 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a trombone player in the street?

A beggar. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a frog driving a car and a trombonist driving a car?

The frog may be on his way to a gig. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the trombonist get on his IQ test?

Drool. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does the trombonist say when he gets to his gig?

"You want fries with that?" 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
You are driving down a street and your director and a trombone player are 
crossing the street in front of you. Which one do you hit first?

1. Your director. Business before pleasure!
2. Who cares?! 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do people play trombone?

Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many trombonists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to hold onto the light bulb and four to sip whiskey until the room spins. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------